Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
