Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
