I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
