For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
