my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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