god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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