Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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