Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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