Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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