I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw a hot homeless man
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
