She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
