in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
