I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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