can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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