My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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