you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
