well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
