How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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