question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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