Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize