Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
