this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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