Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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