It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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