I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
