I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
