dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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