Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
