i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
