it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
