she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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