apparently the secret to your success is patron
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
