So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
