I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
