Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
