When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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