I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
