So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
