did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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