ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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