She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
