my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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