i just wanna soil my oats bro
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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