I swear she didn't look like that last week.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
