She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
