The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
