I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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