I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
