She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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