Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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