Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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