I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
