I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
