I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
