Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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