I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
