So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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