you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
