He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize