I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
