Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
