i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
