You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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