I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize