eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
