also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
