That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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