eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
