would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
