she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
