I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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