I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
