dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Less talking, more tequila
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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