We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
