Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
