i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
40s are totally the cure
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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